My Christmas Tree!!!

Cool Kid

Completed Kitchen!!!

Sorry this took so long to post, with moving and school, and my new job(!!! yes...more on that in another post) I present, THE kitchen:

Randomness...

have I mentioned I "heart" Justin Timberlake?  A LOT.  Jimmy is cool too.

Update:  The Hulu video doesn't work...Here's a link to a YouTube of the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCxZB6GOtoM

Landscaping done!!

Before:

After:

Yay!!! one thing done, a thousand to go....

Resolved

I am resolved, resolute, not budging, no matter how bad it hurts, I'm not giving in. God, I hope this doesn't suck.

quick vent.

Why is it that every contractor, delivery man, installation person, or person at home depot always says, "tell your husband or boyfriend or whatever to help you with this", whenever I ask a question, or there's a problem?  My boyfriend is not in the country, thank you very much, I am sure that if I had someone to ask, I wouldn't be asking you, right?  so could you answer my question.  I know these guys think I am not going to get what they are saying, but seriously, give me a chance.  I am not that dense, and don't need a guy to save the day on every occasion.  Ok. vent over. 

Kitchen Part 2

Today I paid Panda Kitchens a ridiculous amount of money, chose the edge for the granite counter tops, chose my sink, drove to Hialeah (where else?) to chose my two slabs of tile, and got the old cabinets yanked out of my house by a nice guy named Enrique.  Oh, and rooms to go came with some sofas.  AND the washer and dryer got delivered.  At 7 am.  Not fun.  So here's the progress for the day:

Here's Enrique starting to get down to business:



So I came here to choose two slabs of granite:



I thought it was super cool how they moved these massive pieces of rock around.  This very piece will soon be in my kitchen.

Oh man, I saw a massive dirt pile on my way home.  Got to love Hialeah.  La Ciudad de la Progresa.  I think this dirt has something to do with making asphalt.

I took about an hour, and here's the progress in that time:

 Our bare naked kitchen.

Coming soon:  Hialeah handy man will tile up my floor, move an electrical socket, and move a water spicket.

Kitchen Part 1

Ok here are some prelim photos on the kitchen remodeling:

Pre-Day 1: This is the kitchen as it looks when we first found the house, annd how it looks now.

Day 1:  9/20/2010 got a ton of estimates, quotes, ideas, and here's are cabinets that we chose:

With this countertop:



Coming soon- Cabinet tear out (which should be super cool, I'll have video of that), floor leveling, and cabinet install.  Stay tuned!

Landscaping

Ok, here's the progress so far-

Here's what the yard looked like when we bought it:

Day 1- I dug, scraped, cut and moved a whole mess of dirt, dead roots, mulch, junk, pavers, and general crap that was there:

Day 2- Continued to dig, laid down sod, and placed out my plants.  Starting to look pretty!!



Generally, it hasn't been too hard.  I am sore.  I was sweaty and stunk like no one's business.  AND I had dirt and grime and mud everywhere.  My hair, my clothes, under my fingernails, YUCK.  But, it makes me happy to look at it!

 Can't wait to get back at it-

Up next:  Day 3- Hopefully plant everything in the ground, and lay down mulch.  Coming soon- The KITCHEN from heaven!!!!

You can call me Ms. Fix-It

My mom bought a house yesterday.  Its a great house, and the three of us are going to move in over the next few weeks.  There's a To Do List the size of Texas, though, and I am getting a little anxious about my ability to do everything I need to.  Let's see- change the locks, change a faucet, replace a toilet, install a washer and dryer, install light fixtures in the bathroom and kitchen, plan and plant some landscaping, and install a ceiling fan.  That's to start.  I am mostly confident I can do this myself, and David's mom and dad offered to help me and my mom out, so it can be done.  I will be so glad once we are all moved in and the house all fixed up, and I can just relax and enjoy it.

I don't want to jinx it, but

Am I the only one that felt a cooler breeze today than usual?  It wasn't ungodly hot, it was downright pleasant outside.  Could it be summer is almost over??? I have had the BEST summer I've had in a long, long time, but I LOVE this time of year!  Oh, welcome fall, I've missed you!

Who is this for?

So, I know I am cryptic.  But, considering that I don't think anyone out there reads this blog at all, who do I write this for?  I suppose me, myself and I.  And its not really cryptic to me.  So yeah.  And its a blog, so its out there for public consumption, but really, who is going to know about it anyway?  It actually makes it exciting to have this secret window into my  head open for the entire world to glance through, but no one really knows its there.  I do also realize that most of my posts are contemplative, and somewhat meloncholy, so I wonder, am I only insprired to write when I am feeling this way?  Why don't I ever write the silly funny stuff that comes to my mind.  Like how weird the word egg is.  or whatever.  I must get on that....

I do it to myself

I am seriously my own worst enemy.  I am torturing myself with stuff that is of no consequence to the now.  And the stuff that is relevant I just need to be aware of and monitor.  Got to shake it away. I just hope I am not wasting my time.  That would just be wrong on too many levels to even think about.

What I've learned

Sometimes, I forget what I KNOW. Time on this planet has taught me these things for sure:


1. Usually my gut is right, but its always best to take a step back and let that gut reaction sink in, before you say or do something that you don't really mean or haven't really thought through. I've especially found that if I don't take a step back, I can't see the bigger picture, and experience unintended consequences to my actions. It always comes back to gaining perspective.

2. There is an appropriate time for everything. There is a time to talk about a promotion, or to ask about where a relationship is going, or to confront someone about an wrong. Right NOW is a selfish and rash approach. Waiting for the right time can make the difference between a productive, honest conversation, and disaster.

3. You can only own your feelings. If something is bothering you, express it that way. Yes, maybe someone let you down, or disrespected you, but you can't change their actions. You can tell them how their actions made you feel, and they choose to change their behavior. If they choose to engage in the same behavior that upset you before, perhaps you need to reevaluate the relationship.

4. I can't control everything, and sometimes I just have to take a leap of faith.


SO I have to take a step back, take a breath, remember what I KNOW, and then take action.

A reason?

Does everything happen for a reason? Is there some cosmic force out
there helping us out? Sometimes I feel like I have to believe that
everything happens for a reason, otherwise I'd go nuts at the futility
of it. Is it my fate to miss the bus? Was I supposed to not get that
job? I suppose it's healthier to think that there's a greater reason
I don't understand yet, I suppose a level of acceptance that the
misfortunes of life are necessary, that things are meant to happen that way, for reasons that aren't clear to me yet.  Maybe the misfortune places me in a position to benefit from something else.  Maybe the bad luck just builds character. I do wonder sometimes though.    Isn't this the fundamental question everyone asks at some point?  What's the point of all this?  If anyone has some idea, please share!!
Sent from my iPhone

Tugged

Sometimes I feel tugged in a thousand different directions, I have so many obligations, responsibilities to others, and I don't feel like there is enough time in the day to get them all done, much less time for me.  I am a mom, a daughter, a student, a lawyer, a job seeker, a significant other.  Its hard to set priorities because every role demands attention, constantly, I can't slack at any thing.  I am struggling to keep all these balls in the air, and I am so anxious I am going to let one fall.  I know all I can do is take one thing at time, but it stresses me out that its 1:15pm, and I've finished my student, job seeker, mom duty for the morning, but I have a ton of lawyer duty left, and I hate that the most.  Then I have mom duty again, and then student duty tonight.  Its a never ending cycle.  Oh, boo hoo me. LOL  I just need a good night's sleep. 

Finding Direction

So often over the last few years I've talked about wanting to find the old me, the one who had energy and spark, before law school beat it out of me.  Before law school made me a grown up way before I needed or wanted to be.  Why was I in such a hurry to grow up? It seems sometimes that all I did was lose my idealism, and along with it, the belief, true or not, that I could make a difference in the world.  A year ago, I began the process of Bianca 2.0, and its amazing to see, and feel how far I've come.  I wrote once that I felt a cursor, blinkly madly with whole lot of white space in front of me, full of potential with the masterpiece the was about to be left behind.  And for so long, I felt stuck in a major bout of writer's block.  Writer's block of my life, like I was going nowhere, or nowhere I wanted to be.  Crappy place to be.
I am going somewhere now.  Not exactly sure where, still figuring that out.  I'll get back to you on that.  Go little cursor go.

soundtrack

Its late, I know, but I am contemplating this idea again, about the soundtrack of my life, and how what I am listening to reflects how I feel at that particular moment, and how hearing those songs again year later evokes so many of the feelings and emotions of those stages in my life. Last year, I was listening to a lot of meloncholy Ingrid Michaelson. I almost can't bear listen to her albums lately because I can literally feel how bad last year was. But when I think about this year, I've been listening a lot to Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, and Eric Hutchinson, all happy, sweet, and upbeat.  I love the soundtrack of my life right now.

down i go

I went scuba diving today.  I totally didn't expect much from it, I've been diving before, but its been almost 14 years.  David and his siblings gave me a quick crash course, and I remembered mostly everything.  So I wasn't worried...until I got in the water.  I had on David's mom's weight belt, and there was WAY too much weight, and I couldn't keep my head above the water, even with my bc completely filled.  David took some of my weight off and put it on his belt, while that helped, I was still struggling.  I managed though, and we swam out to the reef.  That's when it got scary.  We began to descend, it was only about 15 feet deep, but I sank to the bottom like a rock.  The speed I went down scared me, and I didn't have a chance to equalize my ears, so the pain in them was excruciating, I thought my head was going to explode!  I was totally panicking, and all I wanted to do was ditch the belt, the tank, the bc, everything, and shoot to the surface.  But I didn't.  I am honestly so proud of myself.  I got control of my panic, and talked myself down from the attack.  I took long deep slow breaths and stayed as still as possible until I got my bearings.  A just like that, it was ok.  My fear didn't own me.  Yay, go me!

End

Sometimes things end with a whimper, and that's ok too.

Realization

Surround yourself with people who help make you a better you.  Positive people, with empathy, and understanding and kindness in their hearts.

pondering procrastination

I've noticed that I do it to myself. I am a heavy procratinator.  In a bad way.  Why do today what you can put off until tommorrow?  Its awful.  And it causes me much undue stress.  Stress that chips away at me, my clarity, my resolve.  I need to do something about it.  Its really avoidance after all isn't it?  UGHHHHH.

It all starts with perspective

If you don't have it, get some.  Try to get outside yourself, outside the problem, outside a situation - the view is AMAZING!  You take a step back, you can critically observe what you see, identify what works and what doesn't.   Then write it down.  In a journal.  A log of your joys and disappointments that is outside of your mind and tangible in your hands, that you can look at and analyze like any other piece of literature.  Those are my words of wisdom for the day.

New Years Resolutions - Repost for posterity

Steps in the progression of the Bianca 2.0 process. I think these will make me a better mom, daughter, partner, sister, friend.

1. get to know myself better, I am a pretty cool chick

2. demand the love I deserve.

3. stop wasting time on stuff that doesn't make me happy

4. exorcise those emotional vampires from my life

5. take care of my body, its the only one I have

6. don't sweat the small stuff

7. leave some room for spontaneity

8. work to live, not live to work

9. trust my gut, it tends to be right.

Changes in Bianca 2.0

1. Its all about perspective. That's the key.  Get outside of it a little and look from the outside in. Its an amazing view.
2. Know yourself as best you can.  Keep a journal. 
3.Understand that its ok to change your mind.  Who you are is ever evolving.
4. Be your own loudest cheerleader.  Love and support yourself.
5. Don't be afraid of being hurt. Mistakes are ok. You are going to fall flat on your face sometimes, but without the risk, there's no chance for the triumph.
6. Push yourself beyond what you think you are capable of.  There's so much you can do, you can't even imagine the possibilities! (take note of Number 3, yes, sometimes you will fail.  Its ok)
7. You can't change other people.  Stop wasting time trying. You can be the catalyst for change, though.  Be positive, smile, be happy.  It'll rub off on some, while others are oblivious.
8. Learn from the past, anticipate the future, but live in the NOW. 

places and faces

Where do I fall? Where do I want to be?