Coffee High

I've probably consumed more coffee in the last 24 hours than i have in the last 10 years combined.  Man, that stuff is bad!! I feel good, I feel happy.  Its funny how clarity can just descend on you in such a way that you have a hard time believing its real.  That after everything, that somethings can be so easy.  That in one moment, in one breath, I can be completely safe and happy, and KNOW it will last.  No fear, no reservations.  all trust, and excitement for the good that is to come.

Bueller? Bueller?

In honor of finally realizing one of my longest held prepubscent dreams, meeting Ferris Bueller (cough) I mean Matthew Broderick in the flesh, I present: 

I'm out

I'm out of my funk.  I am happy. Downright giddy.  Everything is going right.  I was thinking today I am a lucky girl.  I am not.  I am blessed. With a son, family and friends.  With health.  With intelligence.  Most of the rest beyond that isn't luck.  I am making it happen.  Things aren't just happening to me.  I have taken the reins, and I am directing my caravan.  I am making my own luck, and it feels good. 

Breathe

Why do I hurt so much?  This shouldn't hurt so much.  I know with every fiber in me that I have made the best decision of my life.  But I am afraid of the unknown, of the vast uncharted territory ahead of me.  Deep breaths. Long slow deep breaths.    The air fills my lungs, and I can feel the calm course through my veins.  At least for a moment.  A fleeting moment of relief.  Just keep breathing.  String these moments together til I get through. 

Ancient Journal

So, I am going through my books, discarding the rejects and packing the keepers, and I find this journal.  I remember it, my favorite teacher gave it to me when I graduated high school, telling me to use it to chart the course of my dreams.  Inside there are a bunch of pages torn out (this I don't remember) and one single page filled, dated July 27, 2003.  It says:
I was 18 years old when I first started writing in this book, only nine years, but I feel like I have lived a lifetime since then.  Mrs. H gave me this book to write down my dreams and here they are:
to be happy, to be true to myself, to be good to others, to learn when its right to be selfish and when to be selfless, to find that path, to know more each day, to sleep peacefully, to know my family more, to be someone's guide, to share what I know, to love and be loved without reservation, to believe in myself, to learn to see the good in me.

Then I concluded:  All this has just been prologue.  Chapter One begins NOW...

I laugh at how much I have changed, and how much is still the same.  I know myself much more now, or at least have the tools of introspection to help me understand myself.  I believe in myself, and my ability to make my life what I want it to be. And I am to true to myself, in every choice I make.  No compromises.  I accomplished so much in Chapter One.  Bring on Chapter Two.  It begins NOW.

Klimt

I think I finally understand why I love Klimt so much.  These paintings look like my dreams on canvas.  Warmth, passion, color, peace.  Abstract and real  at the same time.

"The Kiss"

"Water Serpents II (detail)" "Water Serpents II"

I am enraptured by these paintings.

a little corner of heaven

Take a look:
Neil Gaiman's Personal Library

Thoughts: 
1. This is totally gorgeous.
2. I am oddly turned on by it.
3. I wonder if he needs someone to catalogue it all. And would he prefer Dewey Decimal or Library of Congress?
4. If I had a personal library like this, would I ever come out again?